This is a continuation from my last story titled, White Eagle.
Before I begin I would like to make clear something definite about the rising of kundalini. And for the record I would like to state that I am ‘no’ expert on such matters but only want to share a small portion of what ‘I’ have experienced, and of the verification that was given me concerning the kundalini. Also I believe humanity is on the cusp of a great shift into a Higher-Consciousness, and many the world over WHO ARE attempting to ‘better’ themselves by putting effort into their everyday lives with spirituality, will be given grace to help forward them quicker along the path. I was told by Swami (Sathya Sai Baba) these words; (Don’t waste time its approaching fast. Try hard because the harder one tries the greater the reward will be.)
The purpose of why I am mentioning this along with the kundalini, is to help those who maybe at this time in need of it! I also believe there are many kundalini’s beginning to stir, as this is the start for the preparation of the Great shift.
Not long ago I was experiencing some very serious and unsettling occurrences within body and mind and it affected me terribly, and still it continues today. Though thankfully I do get reprieves, but then without warning and mostly always at night it will strike.
In fact on many occasions I truly thought at times I was going to die. My heart would practically leap out of my chest and this sometimes continued for hours, and the tears they would abruptly flow free with uncontrollable sob, and the sobs would be for my lord (Baba). Even my breathing I was having trouble with, it was as though my lungs was being starved of oxygen. Sitting in meditation sometimes would give relief, but then again at times meditation would only cause worse events to occur and I have to lay down flat.
Paranoia also would hit and I would feel that everybody was against me. I would even feel a slight burning sensation in the lower back region and sometimes it would rise with a feeling of movement, yes, ‘movement’. There are other things I could also elaborate on but will refrain from doing so at this time.
One morning after a long episode of this through the night I finally I went to a doctor. He then sent me to a Specialist where I was put under multiple tests and everything came back normal. Even my blood pressure was perfect the doctor said, no symptoms of anything serious (or) of a concern whatsoever. A great relief I must say. Though, in my mind I knew what I was going through but just didn’t want to believe it, unless of course Sathya Sai Baba verified it directly, then and only then would I be at peace by surrendering to it. Yet at a later date Swami did verify it but still when it struck, doubts once again troubled me. A couple of nights later the symptoms hit me again and it was much worse, only this time I really felt I was going to die. Then I called out loud to Swami under my breath. I asked what is happening to me, please Swami help me; He responded without delay in showing compassion. He appeared and gave me His beautiful smile. But as I looked upon His Divine form I could not believe what I was seeing; He had big black ants crawling all over His body including His head. Of course I was overcome with emotion in seeing the Lord but, I needed more, I needed to know what was happening, why am I going through this and what is the meaning of the ants? Then a most glorious Divine form appeared, it was Lord Shiva Himself come to verify the ‘THOUGHT’ that was put in my mind days before – KUNDALINI.
The ants was the sign of every nerve in my body feeling as though being bitten by ants. After this all anxiety left me immediately. Now when it strikes (kundalini) - I surrender to Swami in saying I’m in your hands, whatever happens is Your Will.
When ones awakening comes about and the kundalini starts to stir, one then begins to suffer through different stages. This suffering is all due to the death of the lower-self (ego). Through countless lives the ego (person with name and form) strengthens to the degree where they believe they are nothing more than body with name. But only until the Lord Wills it, does he/she then begin their journey back to Him. This may take a further number of incarnations or it could come about much quicker, depending on grace. Everyone sooner or later undergoes an awakening change which then brings deep questions to one’s mind, questions never before thought of; what is life all about – am I destined to die only –what happens when we die - there must be more to life than what we are told, God, etc. etc. But nevertheless the mind starts probing deeper and deeper which then starts the Awakening. This is truly Grace in itself. I was told NOT to fear but be happy with what I am going through. And I am happy when I get a reprieve, but when it strikes again all happiness is lost, fear and paranoia reign supreme.
The death of the ego … the ego does NOT want to die. It clings, it hangs on wanting admiration, wanting life, it wants attention from everyone, this is the ego. It belongs to the material world where it thrives on and in material things. But one day it has to go, it MUST go and this is where Grace comes. No one can accomplish this alone, only with Grace can one win. Truly I say to you (the Reader), its much like we are two separate entities, the Big Self AND the little self (ego). And yet the ego MUST die because the ego is not who we really are.
One thing for certain is everyone’s experiences is NOT the same when the kundalini starts to awaken; similar maybe but not the same. Therefore I say with no ego in mind, by writing out my experiences it is helping (me) to better understand the things I am going through … and hopefully, to some extent at least, will also help the reader to come to their own understanding of things. But of course if anyone is having difficulties with their heart or with their breathing, do not dare sit idle and think it’s your kundalini, no, you must go to a doctor to make sure it’s nothing serious!!! Only until then can you start to look further towards the kundalini.
Fear as I have mentioned earlier is an obstacle in which I MUST eliminate, and eliminate it I must do in this life while I’m given the wonderful opportunity. I have seen this obstacle in my dream, it’s a large boulder on the path I am treading blocking my way. And further down Swami is standing there waiting. So in this life I must defeat it. The test I am given is to totally Surrender unto the lord. And the only way for me to win over it is to face it head on in the knowledge that I am not alone, Swami is with me as He is with EVERYONE. And what better way to fight fear, all of it all at once, by facing the worse kind?
This experience as with some others, is a learning process that I ‘must’ go through for some reason unbeknown to me, as yet. So I give voice in happiness and thankfulness to Him, as He knows best as my faith and love in Him is Full!
Now I’ll start the story:
One night back in 1996 around 9:00 pm I retired for bed. It wasn’t long before I fell into a deep sleep. While in sleep I could sense and feel a presence that caused my skin to crawl … I couldn’t wake from this sleep no matter how hard I tried it was impossible. I squirmed within my physical body trying to break free of this terrible presence which made me very unsteady and restless. This feeling was as if being in a pit of poisonous vipers, it was terrible to say it mildly. Then without warning I was forcibly dragged out of my body feet first. I had no time to prepare for such a hostile move. With such violence I felt strong hands grab both my ankles and dragged downwards and out, in fact, it ripped me clean out of my physical body in one quick strike. The force of being (dragged) out of one’s body caused both fear and pain to the extent where I would have given in to death itself just to be released from it. I was totally consumed by whatever this thing was and no matter how hard I tried, there was no escape.
It was absolutely terrifying, I never knew at first what hit me, I even gave thought that an intruder had broken in and I was under his violent blows where my fear mounted rapidly, not for my safety but that of my wife and children. Then I realised that I was standing in total darkness encumbered under the weight of great evil. The feeling of this presence was like being run over by a steam engine. I was absolutely helpless and at its mercy. Mercy... this thing didn’t know the meaning of the word! The fear that was running through me was at a very high. I found myself desperately trying to see through the darkness of where I now stood, with greater effort my vision began to clear... I believe it was the fear in me that caused my blindness.
As soon as I was able to steady myself by taking back a little control, I then began to see clearer into this world which I was violently forced into. It was very similar as if I was standing in outer space only without the blackness, instead it was more of a dirty blue colour with a touch of grey through it, a colour which still did not prevent me from seeing clearly in all directions.
There was nothing but empty space and I was standing on nothing but space. This evil presence was some 8 metres from me, and I somehow knew this entity or whatever it was, never had an earthly birth. It never had an identity like we do, it was just an intelligent “negative” evil force, blackest as you could imagine, and it was trying to force the fear to rise in me, in fact, it was growling and snarling at me with great hatred. I could feel it quite easily but I couldn’t see it, it was invisible.
Where it came from I do not know. If I was ever asked to guess, I would have to say Hell itself! How it got loose and why it came searching for me I have no idea to this day. As I stood there it kept projecting great waves of evil glances towards me, this I knew even though it was unseen by me eyes, and in turn it would create raw fear to rise within me. I felt the waves of fear it kept throwing over me, and I could feel it looking at me with such hatred it made me cringe in wishing that I was dead just to get away from it.
I was absolutely powerless against this thing, my mind was totally under its control and the fear that gripped me was so intense it paralyzed me to the extent of causing my mental faculties to slow to a near ebb.
I felt it laughing at my helplessness while all the time it was feeding on my fear. Then as if a Higher-Power knew of my struggles and helplessness, placed in my mind the name “Jesus”. Within that moment even before I finished calling His name a blinding flash of white light appeared in the darkness. This light was so intense it hurt my eyes. Squinting to see within the light and focusing hard with strong concentration, my vision began to adjust to its brightness.
Then the intensity of the light softened a little to allow me the vision of who it was. I could see Jesus clearly in the midst of the light. He wore a white robe, His hair was very fair and it hung passed His shoulders. He had a goatee beard which was immaculately trimmed and looked beautiful, and it suited His face with perfection. As I looked at Him I could see His robe and hair being blown back as if standing in a strong wind. Jesus stood there in all His glory, (what a sight to be graced with, how fortunate I am to have been not only rescued from this evil, but also to have witnessed it all.) Never will I forget seeing the stern face of Jesus as He glared at this evil entity. Then all at once I felt this evil force flee in terror to escape the presence of the Lord Jesus. Then Jesus turned and looked in my direction, I felt so humbled as I looked upon this vision of beauty, and felt nothing but pure love for HIM. Tears came to my eyes as Jesus smiled at me, and I read in His face the very same message I received from Archangel Michael (when you need me, just call my name.)
Again that is another story I may tell at a later date, a story which may shock many, and one I would love to ask Swami (Sathya Sai Baba) about if ever He affords me the opportunity, one day.
I gained new strength from greater faith in what I was now witnessing, and it even opened up deeper depths of understanding that we are (Never) alone... but have the Lord with us at all times, all we have to do is remember Him... know that He is constantly always with us... in us.
I now lost all sense of fear, He gave me courage and strength when I needed it most. At last I began to think clearly. This was all worth it just to see Jesus appear in all His Glory. As long as I live this memory will “never” fade. And in His Grace He has given me many visits.
This is not for me alone but for everyone who ever tries in bringing a change within themselves….a change for the better that is. We can win much Grace from God if only we try in bettering ourselves. The history of the world is about to change, don’t miss it but become part of it. The only thing we need to do is change our ways for the better. The rising vibrations of the New Age is forcing us to see things clearer than ever before, that is Grace in itself. Don’t neglect it by turning away only to be sorry for it later.
See the faults within ourselves and correct them, then you to will be given much help from the Lord. Swami repeats this to us constantly... if we love God than it is our duty to do what He tells us to do.
Author: Rev. Wayne E Farquhar, www.illawarraceremonies.com